Saturday, August 27, 2016

BESTFRIEND

I have many friends and bestfriends, one of my bestfriends turn out to be my special one. I have squad named "Manis Manja" and consist of 4 people, 2 girls and 2 boys. one of them told me first that he liked me. Ofc I'm so surprised cause I never think this gonna happen and when he said it, I don't have any feeling on him except love as bestfriend. I said to him that let it flow, cause when he said it, I've just broken up with my ex-boyfriend. He also said that no need to be in hurry, I can take my time to think. Well, after a month I think, I said to him that I liked him, too. Time flies so fast, and we haven't any relationship like dating, cause I don't want to. Sometimes he also asked me, what exactly our relationship is, and I've never changed my answer, FRIEND. Maybe my answer made him upset or hurting him, but I really don't want to have any relationship with boys again that time, I'm scared of being hurt again and again. 
Four months passed by, we fight more often, he changed, I changed. I felt that he changed, act strange, not like person I love before. He never notice me again, not care of me, ignored me abviously. He pissed me off and we fought that day, I lost my control, so does he. At first, I thought he was acting like this cause he wanted I was to being his girlfriend, my guess is totally wrong, finally he confessed that he didn't love me anymore, he said it was too late for me to wanna be his girlfriend. His words broke my heart, indeed. I really love him as bestfriend, soulmate, partner-in-crime, but now I lost him. I had to face the truth even it killed me inside. I was crying for a week when I heard song that we used to listen together. 
When we finished our "HTS" , we promised to keep in touch each other and . . . . . . . . . . . no one talking after that. Even though, sometimes he chatted me (I never chatted him first, cause I am a girl hehe) and cause I'm still angry with him, obviously. Who won't pissed off if someone you love decide to broke you up? even I and him don't date. Some people including my mom, said that it was my fault cause everyone needs "kepastian". Nevertheless, I don't believe them. Maybe they were right, even for me it didn't make any senses that time. I thought "Why you have to be in relationship when you can just make commitment with him/her? It'll useless too if you're in relationship but one of you can't be loyal to his/her partner and end up with cheating, so what's the point of relationship?".
These few days, I miss them. I miss hang out with my squad, I miss him, too, as friend ofc, I have no feeling on him now. Sometimes I feel guilty to myself and my other 2 friends, cause they don't involve in my problem but they also get the effects. It feels awkward now when we meet each other even though we were very closed, even sometimes we slept over at his house. But now, everything has changed completely, sad fact that I have face it. The saddest thing that I found out several weeks ago, he left the group chat, It was really pissing me off. I told my girl what he did, and she also mad at him but we just pretend like "that's okay", "maybe now he has new squad and got bored with us". I don't know what he was thinking but it made me sad. 
Now, all I can do just look at photos. Like people said "Pictures don't change, even people in those pictures have changed" and "People change but memories don't".





I love them so much!xoxo

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